I listen to my heart and I listen to my soul,
I don't know who you are, or why you want control,
My mind that is, my psyche and being too,
Why would the thought of me giving my body to you,
Cross your mind, however strange it may be,
Someday, you may come to the brilliant realization,
That not all desire to be as you, be they across the nation,
To put you in your place, and to give you some perspective,
Is essential, just as your system, digestive,
Be that a poor rhyme, or acknowledge my faults should I,
Like I've said, I don't know who ye be, or why you a piece of this pie,
So desire,
As if I were to inquire,
Shall we then begin to converse,
And to traverse throughout the universe,
Arguing and battling with words,
Until our minds and consciousness become blurs,
During this recording of this epic tale,
I imagine a boy reading this as a snail,
A reading assignment, surely by a cruel and twisted teacher,
Why, oh why does this boy invariably say, "Sure"?,
And retort and respond,
Unknowingly until one spawned,
Be it long,
Or be he strong,
This boy is a product of futuristic society,
A place I cannot comprehend, for the sense of anxiety,
That persists,
And exists,
Thoroughly and spontaneously,
Yet unchangingly,
Through every crack and every whack,
Disciplinarianism makes its come back,
This boy, forcibly forced into a laborious labor,
Sadly, there be no mayor,
But merely Big Brother,
The sightful other,
Of whom we do not know,
We have never known,
And may never,
As if that was to sever,
The past from what we know know as the future,
This is a bruise to recorded history,
A gap in our timeline, renders it now a great mystery,
Big Brother prevents us from private communication,
Throughout his nation,
To be bottled up for all of eternity,
Until humans may reach great Mercury.
Be that a time long from now,
Be it then, or be it thou.
Written 9.24.09
Saturday, November 30, 2013
Her words are asinine,
So much so it takes time,
For her to think of a rhyme,
And to perfect it to sublime,
She is loyal to her last name,
Lazy and all, yet all the same,
She directs all her efforts towards herself,
The polar opposite of Santa's selfless elf,
She hogs our wares,
And never cares,
She speaks without thought,
Apparently she, from school no intellect has brought,
Which is incredible, surprising, and shocking to say the least,
As if the transformation from a man into a beast,
No capacity of thought, abstract,
As if to suggest we reenact,
Laws, prohibitive, and obsolete too,
You may think her effect spans to all but you,
But sadly you are wrong my friend,
As my sister's effect bears no end,
It is thoroughly contagious,
Like bacteria, spontaneous,
I can not explain its ability,
In order for you to see,
The commonground, the marketplace,
Everyone with the same face,
It's a party each night,
Please don't get a fright,
Of the social image you're developing,
How people perceive you and everything
It's an assembly of self-absorbed people,
I understand if it's that you don't feel,
Quite so connected,
It's about being respected,
Those ignored,
Open the door,
By themselves, lonely, alone,
Recommending to throw a stone,
At those impostors,
Those clowns without word,
Spewing from their mouths, flies tubby custard.
Written 9.24.09
For her to think of a rhyme,
And to perfect it to sublime,
She is loyal to her last name,
Lazy and all, yet all the same,
She directs all her efforts towards herself,
The polar opposite of Santa's selfless elf,
She hogs our wares,
And never cares,
She speaks without thought,
Apparently she, from school no intellect has brought,
Which is incredible, surprising, and shocking to say the least,
As if the transformation from a man into a beast,
No capacity of thought, abstract,
As if to suggest we reenact,
Laws, prohibitive, and obsolete too,
You may think her effect spans to all but you,
But sadly you are wrong my friend,
As my sister's effect bears no end,
It is thoroughly contagious,
Like bacteria, spontaneous,
I can not explain its ability,
In order for you to see,
The commonground, the marketplace,
Everyone with the same face,
It's a party each night,
Please don't get a fright,
Of the social image you're developing,
How people perceive you and everything
It's an assembly of self-absorbed people,
I understand if it's that you don't feel,
Quite so connected,
It's about being respected,
Those ignored,
Open the door,
By themselves, lonely, alone,
Recommending to throw a stone,
At those impostors,
Those clowns without word,
Spewing from their mouths, flies tubby custard.
Written 9.24.09
The Hope to be a less than avid gamer
Video gamers now for the past few decades have been classified as basement-dwelling enthusiasts who religiously play video games, and can at any given moment, answer trivial questions about video games. I have had friends that have either self-consciously devised a lifestyle that prohibits and makes unfashionable the frequent playing of video games, or simply accepted the hobby and never thought twice of it, and intentionally decided to committ any number of hours playing games per week to playing video games.
Written 9.21.09
Written 9.21.09
The Allegory of the Advertised Person
Advertisement has been used in many forms of media dating back since ___ in [form of media]. Through advertisement, people, much like sheep, are exploited in order to achieve a capitalistic, monetary, and largely, selfish gain. Advertisers, more often than not, ultimately end up helping companies of different industries. This is what I like to call the 'Trickling Wonder of Capitalism'. Take a supplemental protein program. If the people who were advertised the program do in fact gain some extent of muscle, they are more than likely to have a larger food intake, spend more money on petroleum, as he or she frequents the grocery store more often, and have a greater need for water or other beverages as he or she spends more time working out.
But one must consider there is an extent to which one person is unknowingly willing to be exploited of his or her hard-earned wages. That is, if the given product can be sold effectively and convincingly. Billy Mays resembled a literally outstanding figure in the advertisement industry for his perceived enthusiasm and vigor. The average customer's perception rarely consists of a scope that analyzes the particular presentor's demeanor or ultimate goal other than to sell a supposedly quality product. From the standpoint of the average customer, it may indeed appear as if the presentor is trying to be friendly, but one must be constantly aware in cases when the product is outside one's essential needs in life.
Similarly, sheep are given food, albeit paid for by the owner of the sheep, but in return, the owner receives wool, and ultimately, a profit. Despite the sheep's unawareness of the exploiting, they instinctively eat what they are given, no matter how poor in quality. The same may in some cases apply to humans. Humans generally attend school for a relatively large portion of their lives, and while a given person's skill in math, science, or otherwise objective tasks are reliably positive, [as the schools of today seem to be betraying their older counterparts' emphasis on the humanities, such as reading, writing, and art], peoples' ability to discern and learn or to reflect from a past purchase that was unsatisfactory is commonly quite low. There certainly are industries in which are very much so intertwined with the Internet and many modern forms of media, where many of the participants, if you will, of that particular form of media are largely aware of other individuals' reactions and impressions of any given product, and will rarely, if ever, blindly purchase a $60 video game for example.
The video game industry, being one of the world's youngest and lucrative industries, has been commended for the responsive following it boasts. In many cases, this is a market that restricts its own growth, yet challenges game developers to satisfy gamers' expectations, while providing a conglomerance of ideas seen in either previous installations of a franchise or a recent competitor within a genre. While there are in fact gamers that will blindly purchase the same sports game franchise year after year, there are an innumerable amount of gamers that present a stunning amount of thought into each $60 purchase of a video game. This, among many other quirks of the video game industry are what render it a self-thriving, self-improving, global-effort of capturing the imaginations, hopes, and dreams of people ranging from all ages, and defying the barriers of last-year's already cutting-edge technology.
Written 9.15.09
But one must consider there is an extent to which one person is unknowingly willing to be exploited of his or her hard-earned wages. That is, if the given product can be sold effectively and convincingly. Billy Mays resembled a literally outstanding figure in the advertisement industry for his perceived enthusiasm and vigor. The average customer's perception rarely consists of a scope that analyzes the particular presentor's demeanor or ultimate goal other than to sell a supposedly quality product. From the standpoint of the average customer, it may indeed appear as if the presentor is trying to be friendly, but one must be constantly aware in cases when the product is outside one's essential needs in life.
Similarly, sheep are given food, albeit paid for by the owner of the sheep, but in return, the owner receives wool, and ultimately, a profit. Despite the sheep's unawareness of the exploiting, they instinctively eat what they are given, no matter how poor in quality. The same may in some cases apply to humans. Humans generally attend school for a relatively large portion of their lives, and while a given person's skill in math, science, or otherwise objective tasks are reliably positive, [as the schools of today seem to be betraying their older counterparts' emphasis on the humanities, such as reading, writing, and art], peoples' ability to discern and learn or to reflect from a past purchase that was unsatisfactory is commonly quite low. There certainly are industries in which are very much so intertwined with the Internet and many modern forms of media, where many of the participants, if you will, of that particular form of media are largely aware of other individuals' reactions and impressions of any given product, and will rarely, if ever, blindly purchase a $60 video game for example.
The video game industry, being one of the world's youngest and lucrative industries, has been commended for the responsive following it boasts. In many cases, this is a market that restricts its own growth, yet challenges game developers to satisfy gamers' expectations, while providing a conglomerance of ideas seen in either previous installations of a franchise or a recent competitor within a genre. While there are in fact gamers that will blindly purchase the same sports game franchise year after year, there are an innumerable amount of gamers that present a stunning amount of thought into each $60 purchase of a video game. This, among many other quirks of the video game industry are what render it a self-thriving, self-improving, global-effort of capturing the imaginations, hopes, and dreams of people ranging from all ages, and defying the barriers of last-year's already cutting-edge technology.
Written 9.15.09
Obsessed with the physical interaction,
The quick, charming attraction,
What feels good and nice,
You'd think it'd need some spice,
The pleasant tune and ride,
Rarely ever inside,
Underestimating the joys of life,
And choosing to participate in those that are rife,
Bored by the most fascinating of musings,
And expecting entertainment to sprout from the most brutal of bruisings,
Written 9.11.09
The quick, charming attraction,
What feels good and nice,
You'd think it'd need some spice,
The pleasant tune and ride,
Rarely ever inside,
Underestimating the joys of life,
And choosing to participate in those that are rife,
Bored by the most fascinating of musings,
And expecting entertainment to sprout from the most brutal of bruisings,
Written 9.11.09
Top Gear
Top Gear features insightful reviews of practical everyday cars, to seemingly ironic critiques of ear-splitting supercars, as if that was to say they were cost-efficient. The producers always seem to know when to break from reviewing cars in order to avoid monotony. They do this by throwing some challenges into the mix. The challenges vary from utterly absurd acts of impossibility, to demonstrations that are made out to appear far easier than they presumably are, courtesy of our dear Stig. The Stig is almost Top Gear's mascot. He is a wordless driver, dressed in white Alpinestars overalls, with a mysterious white helmet, whom of which outmatches any of the charasmatic speaking hosts in terms of lap times and inherent driving skill.
The car reviews progress as your average novel, film, or video game review would, and use understatement and fictitiousness to their advantage. The reviews take place on Top Gear's own test track, which evidently, was previously owned by Lotus Motors, and even before that, served as grounds for manufacturing aeroplanes for the Allies in World War II.
The reviews themselves have a distinct formula that nearly every successive one either improves upon, or follows exactly. Traditionally, the reviews inevitably come to a "But", "However", or "Although", and will degenerate into harsh and senseless criticisms, evicerating either the minute or gargantuan failings of the particular manufacturer. But what makes the reviews genuinely entertaining are the gleeful expressions of sensation any of the three presenters may use, which is certainly refreshing to know the person you are watching on television is greatly enthused with whatever he is presenting.
I simply love the unabashed approach the Top Gear crew embraces in order to run with the unknown racecar driver cliché, or in this case, the Stig.
There has been some criticism of efforts to identify the Stig.[34][51] The Times criticized the outing of Ben Collins by the Daily Telegraph in an article which asserted that the "identity of the white-suited Stig ... has been an open secret within the motoring world for some years, with newspapers refraining from publishing his name, to uphold the spirit of the programme."[40]
Written 9.8.09
The car reviews progress as your average novel, film, or video game review would, and use understatement and fictitiousness to their advantage. The reviews take place on Top Gear's own test track, which evidently, was previously owned by Lotus Motors, and even before that, served as grounds for manufacturing aeroplanes for the Allies in World War II.
The reviews themselves have a distinct formula that nearly every successive one either improves upon, or follows exactly. Traditionally, the reviews inevitably come to a "But", "However", or "Although", and will degenerate into harsh and senseless criticisms, evicerating either the minute or gargantuan failings of the particular manufacturer. But what makes the reviews genuinely entertaining are the gleeful expressions of sensation any of the three presenters may use, which is certainly refreshing to know the person you are watching on television is greatly enthused with whatever he is presenting.
I simply love the unabashed approach the Top Gear crew embraces in order to run with the unknown racecar driver cliché, or in this case, the Stig.
There has been some criticism of efforts to identify the Stig.[34][51] The Times criticized the outing of Ben Collins by the Daily Telegraph in an article which asserted that the "identity of the white-suited Stig ... has been an open secret within the motoring world for some years, with newspapers refraining from publishing his name, to uphold the spirit of the programme."[40]
Written 9.8.09
How should Apple go about controlling the quality of the content on the App Store?
As of what seems to be going on throughout the past few months, the Apple App Store seems to drastically diminishing in its quality of content. That's not to say the apps released prior to Summer 2009 were any better per se, but rather, how much of a comidity apps have become as of late, and how tiresome most app genres and concepts have become.
There are most likely millions of apps neither you nor I will have any hope of seeing. Unless by either word of mouth, or a lucky or accidental query, we as customers are sadly restricted to the filters that make up the App Store, and make it that much harder for indie developers to get ahold of this revolutionary market, when they may actually may have the next great piece of software on their hands. There's truly no convienient way as of now to find what's out there.
Especially given the fact that the most prevalent 'sect' of iPhone gamers, if you will, are what we would call 'casual', I wouldn't imagine Joe, the businessman is too thrilled to go app hunting so that he might have the blissful opportunity to possibly play a remotely fun game that controls well. And that's perfectly understandable. I don't care how mindless their expectations for iPhone apps are. I agree: when you're on the go, the first thing you want is some fresh, easy fun.
I don't get the sense that the average casual gamer is particularly patient, discerning, or knowledgable about what makes a good app, as they feel they themselves are not reliable enough to wade through the truly heinous apps and pick out a gleaming star of an app, or maybe even ask friends about apps they recommend.
I think Apple should not let the App Store, considering its young state, go to waste by any means. Apple should take an active role in policing the content that is literally crapped out by the world's shoddiest "game" developers (if they can even be called that). I have seen an innumerable supply of iMafia ripoffs, with Respect Points rebranded and all for your money-wasting pleasure -- iPhone "MMOs" are reskinned cashins that The Godfather app company have all but exploited to the fullest possible extent. I hope to God iPhone gamers' ratings bear some meaning, and if they do, the iPhone gamers themselves have some sensibilities with their tastes in games, and aren't always looking for the next cheap and utterly disposible thrill. If Apple expects to have the App Store grow in any way, they better start making some restrictions on the blatant 'The Godfather' cashins. Look at their latest contribution to the already skyscraper-high pile of steaming crap on the App Store: Girl Wars. If you look at the description, you can get a sense for how contrived and throw away this whole "game" surely is. And the sad thing is that I think I may know a few, if not several girls that would play that. (And what makes it sad is that there's so much better content out there that is not reaching its critical mass -- such as Rolando 2 for example).
But I don't mean to generalize -- there have been some excellent apps put out by indie developers that have received some much deserved recognition and press, and have made us all appreciate the App Store and say how great it is.
Using Area 5's weekly Co-Op show as a radar for new and exciting apps, it's clear the App Store is currently in a bit of a slump.
Written 8.25.09
There are most likely millions of apps neither you nor I will have any hope of seeing. Unless by either word of mouth, or a lucky or accidental query, we as customers are sadly restricted to the filters that make up the App Store, and make it that much harder for indie developers to get ahold of this revolutionary market, when they may actually may have the next great piece of software on their hands. There's truly no convienient way as of now to find what's out there.
Especially given the fact that the most prevalent 'sect' of iPhone gamers, if you will, are what we would call 'casual', I wouldn't imagine Joe, the businessman is too thrilled to go app hunting so that he might have the blissful opportunity to possibly play a remotely fun game that controls well. And that's perfectly understandable. I don't care how mindless their expectations for iPhone apps are. I agree: when you're on the go, the first thing you want is some fresh, easy fun.
I don't get the sense that the average casual gamer is particularly patient, discerning, or knowledgable about what makes a good app, as they feel they themselves are not reliable enough to wade through the truly heinous apps and pick out a gleaming star of an app, or maybe even ask friends about apps they recommend.
I think Apple should not let the App Store, considering its young state, go to waste by any means. Apple should take an active role in policing the content that is literally crapped out by the world's shoddiest "game" developers (if they can even be called that). I have seen an innumerable supply of iMafia ripoffs, with Respect Points rebranded and all for your money-wasting pleasure -- iPhone "MMOs" are reskinned cashins that The Godfather app company have all but exploited to the fullest possible extent. I hope to God iPhone gamers' ratings bear some meaning, and if they do, the iPhone gamers themselves have some sensibilities with their tastes in games, and aren't always looking for the next cheap and utterly disposible thrill. If Apple expects to have the App Store grow in any way, they better start making some restrictions on the blatant 'The Godfather' cashins. Look at their latest contribution to the already skyscraper-high pile of steaming crap on the App Store: Girl Wars. If you look at the description, you can get a sense for how contrived and throw away this whole "game" surely is. And the sad thing is that I think I may know a few, if not several girls that would play that. (And what makes it sad is that there's so much better content out there that is not reaching its critical mass -- such as Rolando 2 for example).
But I don't mean to generalize -- there have been some excellent apps put out by indie developers that have received some much deserved recognition and press, and have made us all appreciate the App Store and say how great it is.
Using Area 5's weekly Co-Op show as a radar for new and exciting apps, it's clear the App Store is currently in a bit of a slump.
Written 8.25.09
Becoming a Student
Last year, or by the end of the 2008-2009 Saint Ignatius College Prep schoolyear was a year in which I gained a true understanding of how to be a student. During my freshman year, held at Lyons Township High School, a local public high school, I never truly committed myself to my schoolwork. As each night, I would play video games religiously, seeing no reason not to, while my grades remained at a substantial level. Lyons Township nurtured a sense of not caring about school. But a year later, as I transferred to Saint Ignatius College Prep, the same lifestyle did not apply. Giving minimal effort towards homework or schoolwork outside of school proved to be severely detrimental. Towards the latter end of my Sophomore year last year showed similarities to my Freshman lifestyle, where as a hobby, I would write, and express myself, feeling good and gratified, possibly even intelligent. Then I adopted a new maxim for life; "If you can't beat them, join them". This thought came about as Ignatius students began calling each other 'intelligent' purely due to grades. I could not stress enough to the pretentious Ignatian girl in my English class how little relevance intelligence and grades share. I then finally realized that whether I like it or not, people will always perceive grades to correlate to one's level of intelligence. So after having this revelatory understanding over this past Summer, no matter how eloquent I am, no matter how articulate and perceptive I can be, people will always expect you to have good grades, and by learning this, I began to understand that if one wishes to succeed in school, one must have the ambition, desire, and even wherewithall, to put down the Xbox 360 controller during school nights, no matter what.
Written 8.23.09
Written 8.23.09
I hate the routine
I hate the routine, the forced lifestyle that all of us must endure,
I hate the routine that has provoked the dark suicidal thoughts in us all,
I hate the routine that makes me grateful for any free time I may have,
I hate the routine that makes me keep track of time,
I hate the routine that forces me to write in order to cope,
I hate the routine that requires no creativity, as those who have mastered the routine, yet are clearly less intilligible than myself succeed,
I hate the routine that surges stress in us all daily,
I hate the routine that mercilessly knocks the incling of personality we each resembled, prior to our embracing the routine,
I hate the routine that supposedly, will one day make formidable professionals of us all,
I hate the routine that limits our time we spend with our families,
I hate the routine that mandates me to sit in a classroom full of students all day who consider themselves brilliant purely because they happened to fill in answer C, rather than answer A,
I hate the routine that consists of a blaring alarm clock, and a gloomy morning,
I hate the routine that was employed by adults who assume ubiquitous stupidity of teenagers,
I hate the routine that restricts my full potential in activities I consider worthwhile and a possible profession, such as writing,
I hate the routine that has me witness innumerable faces that appear sleepy and lifeless,
I hate the routine that situates me with individuals who dismiss me entirely,
I hate the routine that consists of a large amount of teenagers who have no desire to learn and to succeed,
I hate the routine in which I witness individuals who assume their wit based on the name of the school they attend,
I hate the routine in which so much more could be done other than the undeniably objective, mind-numbing homework we are assigned each night,
I hate the routine in which I must endure a senseless beating of the French language a year behind, when I could be enjoying the brilliant sounds of the German language, a year ahead,
I hate the routine that has me sitting in a stifling library on the fourth floor, contemplating every drawback, and hoping for the most of every hardship,
I hate the routine in which I must suffer criticism, misunderstandings, as well as ignorance,
But, I do in fact love the routine in which I can sit down, satisfied, knowing I either contributed to the English language in one form or another, or have provoked some sort of existential questioning.
Written 8.20.09
I hate the routine that has provoked the dark suicidal thoughts in us all,
I hate the routine that makes me grateful for any free time I may have,
I hate the routine that makes me keep track of time,
I hate the routine that forces me to write in order to cope,
I hate the routine that requires no creativity, as those who have mastered the routine, yet are clearly less intilligible than myself succeed,
I hate the routine that surges stress in us all daily,
I hate the routine that mercilessly knocks the incling of personality we each resembled, prior to our embracing the routine,
I hate the routine that supposedly, will one day make formidable professionals of us all,
I hate the routine that limits our time we spend with our families,
I hate the routine that mandates me to sit in a classroom full of students all day who consider themselves brilliant purely because they happened to fill in answer C, rather than answer A,
I hate the routine that consists of a blaring alarm clock, and a gloomy morning,
I hate the routine that was employed by adults who assume ubiquitous stupidity of teenagers,
I hate the routine that restricts my full potential in activities I consider worthwhile and a possible profession, such as writing,
I hate the routine that has me witness innumerable faces that appear sleepy and lifeless,
I hate the routine that situates me with individuals who dismiss me entirely,
I hate the routine that consists of a large amount of teenagers who have no desire to learn and to succeed,
I hate the routine in which I witness individuals who assume their wit based on the name of the school they attend,
I hate the routine in which so much more could be done other than the undeniably objective, mind-numbing homework we are assigned each night,
I hate the routine in which I must endure a senseless beating of the French language a year behind, when I could be enjoying the brilliant sounds of the German language, a year ahead,
I hate the routine that has me sitting in a stifling library on the fourth floor, contemplating every drawback, and hoping for the most of every hardship,
I hate the routine in which I must suffer criticism, misunderstandings, as well as ignorance,
But, I do in fact love the routine in which I can sit down, satisfied, knowing I either contributed to the English language in one form or another, or have provoked some sort of existential questioning.
Written 8.20.09
Friday, November 29, 2013
What if the world...
What if the world...
Was ruled by those who marked answer C, rather than answer A,
Was ruled by people who copied their answers right out of the book,
Was ruled by individuals who copied their homework from a peer,
Was ruled by those who cheated on their finals,
Was ruled by persons who have spent their lives, relying on the creativity of a textbook to merely get by,
Was ruled by those who have never done their homework in time,
Was ruled by those who have never used a more complex vocabulary than that of a pre-schooler, unless displayed on a piece of paper otherwise,
Was ruled by former short-attention teenagers, incapable of stringing together an intelligible, coherent sentence, absent of the retortion, 'Um',
Was ruled by individuals who never have had even a slight ambition to perfect a skill,
Was ruled by people who couldn't concentrate or bear to think outside of the box for the specific tax at hand?
Was ruled by laymen who cannot operate and take care of a computer, although they are immensely more user-friendly than they could be,
We may as well all keel over then!
Written originally August 19, 2009
Was ruled by those who marked answer C, rather than answer A,
Was ruled by people who copied their answers right out of the book,
Was ruled by individuals who copied their homework from a peer,
Was ruled by those who cheated on their finals,
Was ruled by persons who have spent their lives, relying on the creativity of a textbook to merely get by,
Was ruled by those who have never done their homework in time,
Was ruled by those who have never used a more complex vocabulary than that of a pre-schooler, unless displayed on a piece of paper otherwise,
Was ruled by former short-attention teenagers, incapable of stringing together an intelligible, coherent sentence, absent of the retortion, 'Um',
Was ruled by individuals who never have had even a slight ambition to perfect a skill,
Was ruled by people who couldn't concentrate or bear to think outside of the box for the specific tax at hand?
Was ruled by laymen who cannot operate and take care of a computer, although they are immensely more user-friendly than they could be,
We may as well all keel over then!
Written originally August 19, 2009
There is a girl...
...I met in Germany while studying abroad here in Frankfurt. She found me an apartment, helped me get settled in it and helped me with countless other things. We were the best of friends. I made her laugh, I made her smile, I cheered her up when she was sad and I spent every day with her for about two to three weeks.
I liked spending time with this girl so much that we could do nothing together and not care. We would exchange my American English for her German language tips as we spent each day together. And most incredibly, I was never the one who asked to hang out. She was.
We ate together, we walked her dog together, we wandered the streets together. I was never so confident, so comfortable with a female other than my mother in my life before. She told me I was attractive, funny and that she likes me. But I never said anything because I valued our friendship more than anything else. I preferred a long friendship over a short relationship. And did certainly not want to jeopardize that, nor her current relationship, in any way.
I was honest with her every step of the way. I told her I cannot lie. Which was also true. She appreciated that.
At no point did she not seem to not also enjoy spending time together. So I, too, happily complied when she asked to hang out. And each day, we ate, exchanged language lessons, walked and so on.
We shared two classes together and she was happy to help me with any confusion I had in either one. Easily one of the nicest people I have met here in Germany.
I spent time with her at the tail end of her seven-year-long relationship. She was as happy as can be all up until she broke up with him.
And then, one day, I was doing homework with her and she began to cry about her loss. I did my best to cheer her up. I put my arm around her saying, "You're still my favorite person in Germany" or "I've been worrying about you every day." They were meant to be more friendly than flirty. But perhaps they were lost in translation. Take note of those two remarks.
She seemed to be one of the most genuine people I have ever met (and I still believe that to be true) and we exchanged real emotions every day; emotions and stories I gladly listened to and shared myself.
Never did I hold her hand. Try to kiss her. Touch her inappropriately. Tell her I like her. Or even tell her I love her. If I were any other guy, the myriad of winky faces, smiley faces and any other variation thereof she sent to me via social media and text messages would have told any average, sex-crazed guy to go in for the kill. But I didn't because I thoroughly respected her then-current relationship and by all means, did not want to ruin it, interfere or influence its outcome.
I valued our friendship above everything else and was having plenty of fun doing nothing with her.
But after I made those two remarks, everything has been awkward between us. I have tried to reach out to her, talk to her in person and what have you. But she has been acting anything but herself for a while now. I don't know what it was I said (perhaps one of the two remarks I mentioned above?) or did. She has been regularly ignoring me in large group settings, giving me only one-word answers instead of her usual responses and not smiling or laughing with me. Suffice to say, we have not been hanging out at all lately.
I understand it could be that I have been suffocating her lately and that she wants nothing to do with me at the moment, so to compensate, I've not been talking to her less electronically. Every time I have seen her in person, though, I have greeted and hugged her as usual, but she never looks as happy to see me or talk with me.
I talked with a mutual friend of ours and told the mutual friend that she's been acting unusual, but the friend said she's no different. In addition, I heard the two talking in a different room (the mutual friend and I are roommates) and the girl was indeed herself with this friend; she was laughing, joking and having a good time. But around me, she is stale and boring.
Perhaps me not talking is aggravating the problem, but it really makes the guy look pathetic when he sends a text and doesn't receive anything.
I'm guessing any semblance of a relationship is the absolute last thing she needs right now, so I told her when she was sad that I'm not like most guys and just like spending time with her. (By that I meant to say I'm not looking for anything else other than friendship, but I suppose that could have also been misinterpreted).
I am open to being wrong because I admit I have never had a girlfriend and am not especially good with girls; all I can do is talk to them, anything past that is beyond me. That is why I tried my best to treat this relationship as delicately as possible. All I really am concerned about is losing a friend. I almost hope she finds another guy so she can return to her normal self.
This transition was so abrupt and disorientating that it's been forcing me to ask myself "what did I do that was so wrong?" My guess is that she is not used to guy friends, assumes I want more than I actually do and wants a break from guys at the moment. But does that justify acting the way she has?
How do I proceed and react to how she's acting?
I liked spending time with this girl so much that we could do nothing together and not care. We would exchange my American English for her German language tips as we spent each day together. And most incredibly, I was never the one who asked to hang out. She was.
We ate together, we walked her dog together, we wandered the streets together. I was never so confident, so comfortable with a female other than my mother in my life before. She told me I was attractive, funny and that she likes me. But I never said anything because I valued our friendship more than anything else. I preferred a long friendship over a short relationship. And did certainly not want to jeopardize that, nor her current relationship, in any way.
I was honest with her every step of the way. I told her I cannot lie. Which was also true. She appreciated that.
At no point did she not seem to not also enjoy spending time together. So I, too, happily complied when she asked to hang out. And each day, we ate, exchanged language lessons, walked and so on.
We shared two classes together and she was happy to help me with any confusion I had in either one. Easily one of the nicest people I have met here in Germany.
I spent time with her at the tail end of her seven-year-long relationship. She was as happy as can be all up until she broke up with him.
And then, one day, I was doing homework with her and she began to cry about her loss. I did my best to cheer her up. I put my arm around her saying, "You're still my favorite person in Germany" or "I've been worrying about you every day." They were meant to be more friendly than flirty. But perhaps they were lost in translation. Take note of those two remarks.
She seemed to be one of the most genuine people I have ever met (and I still believe that to be true) and we exchanged real emotions every day; emotions and stories I gladly listened to and shared myself.
Never did I hold her hand. Try to kiss her. Touch her inappropriately. Tell her I like her. Or even tell her I love her. If I were any other guy, the myriad of winky faces, smiley faces and any other variation thereof she sent to me via social media and text messages would have told any average, sex-crazed guy to go in for the kill. But I didn't because I thoroughly respected her then-current relationship and by all means, did not want to ruin it, interfere or influence its outcome.
I valued our friendship above everything else and was having plenty of fun doing nothing with her.
But after I made those two remarks, everything has been awkward between us. I have tried to reach out to her, talk to her in person and what have you. But she has been acting anything but herself for a while now. I don't know what it was I said (perhaps one of the two remarks I mentioned above?) or did. She has been regularly ignoring me in large group settings, giving me only one-word answers instead of her usual responses and not smiling or laughing with me. Suffice to say, we have not been hanging out at all lately.
I understand it could be that I have been suffocating her lately and that she wants nothing to do with me at the moment, so to compensate, I've not been talking to her less electronically. Every time I have seen her in person, though, I have greeted and hugged her as usual, but she never looks as happy to see me or talk with me.
I talked with a mutual friend of ours and told the mutual friend that she's been acting unusual, but the friend said she's no different. In addition, I heard the two talking in a different room (the mutual friend and I are roommates) and the girl was indeed herself with this friend; she was laughing, joking and having a good time. But around me, she is stale and boring.
Perhaps me not talking is aggravating the problem, but it really makes the guy look pathetic when he sends a text and doesn't receive anything.
I'm guessing any semblance of a relationship is the absolute last thing she needs right now, so I told her when she was sad that I'm not like most guys and just like spending time with her. (By that I meant to say I'm not looking for anything else other than friendship, but I suppose that could have also been misinterpreted).
I am open to being wrong because I admit I have never had a girlfriend and am not especially good with girls; all I can do is talk to them, anything past that is beyond me. That is why I tried my best to treat this relationship as delicately as possible. All I really am concerned about is losing a friend. I almost hope she finds another guy so she can return to her normal self.
This transition was so abrupt and disorientating that it's been forcing me to ask myself "what did I do that was so wrong?" My guess is that she is not used to guy friends, assumes I want more than I actually do and wants a break from guys at the moment. But does that justify acting the way she has?
How do I proceed and react to how she's acting?
Sunday, September 29, 2013
This Fall, will Modern Warfare 2 overshadow Halo 3: ODST?
Given Call of Duty 4: Modern Watfare's ...-million-selling record, do you feel Infinity Ward's Modern Warfare 2 is likely to gain the mass market
With this Fall in gaming shaping up, is it safe to say Call of Duty fans
With last year's Call of duty waw sales charting not as well than 2007's Call of duty: mw, is it safe to say these relatively poor sales indicate the fact that Call of Duty fans are either aware of the fact that Infinity Ward did not work on World at War, or they are apathetic towards World War II at the setting's already abused point? Regardless of either potentially true fact, I believe Modern Warfare 2 will greatly overshadow
8.16.09
With this Fall in gaming shaping up, is it safe to say Call of Duty fans
With last year's Call of duty waw sales charting not as well than 2007's Call of duty: mw, is it safe to say these relatively poor sales indicate the fact that Call of Duty fans are either aware of the fact that Infinity Ward did not work on World at War, or they are apathetic towards World War II at the setting's already abused point? Regardless of either potentially true fact, I believe Modern Warfare 2 will greatly overshadow
8.16.09
July
As we kiss our beloved July away,
There is only one thing I can bear to say,
I will miss her gleaming rays, and vibrant colors,
In her stead, will be dear August, unlike all others,
The relaxation she provides is unparalled, and will surely never be forgotten,
Although we must wade through all the seasons, be they dreary, or be they rotten,
In my younger years, have I rarely appreciated oh sweet July,
But now that I've lived through a frigid winter, I may as well cry,
For that winter will inevitably come again,
To pass the time, we must count ten, ten, and omce again ten again,
And by that rewarding time, oh my,
Surely we deserve some variety to something different finally try,
For life strives on new experiences and new joys to be had,
We must cherish our time, for eventually, will we be not glad.
8.3.09
There is only one thing I can bear to say,
I will miss her gleaming rays, and vibrant colors,
In her stead, will be dear August, unlike all others,
The relaxation she provides is unparalled, and will surely never be forgotten,
Although we must wade through all the seasons, be they dreary, or be they rotten,
In my younger years, have I rarely appreciated oh sweet July,
But now that I've lived through a frigid winter, I may as well cry,
For that winter will inevitably come again,
To pass the time, we must count ten, ten, and omce again ten again,
And by that rewarding time, oh my,
Surely we deserve some variety to something different finally try,
For life strives on new experiences and new joys to be had,
We must cherish our time, for eventually, will we be not glad.
8.3.09
Girls' Short Attention Spans
For as long as time has gone on, women have been discredited for their lack of ingenuity, denied education, and
Why do the majority of teenage girls lack articulation, eloquence, and contemplative thought? They're endlessly looking for new goals, never perfecting their skill at anything, and succeed in school purely because the majority of their classed are grounded in objectivity. Teenage girls not only fail to understand comedy, but also even a level of intelligence that exceeds that of a preschool-dropout.
8.2.09
Why do the majority of teenage girls lack articulation, eloquence, and contemplative thought? They're endlessly looking for new goals, never perfecting their skill at anything, and succeed in school purely because the majority of their classed are grounded in objectivity. Teenage girls not only fail to understand comedy, but also even a level of intelligence that exceeds that of a preschool-dropout.
8.2.09
...
My pathetic mother
Complain, tire, ache, grieve is all my mother may perform,
I would think she'd have another activity, as if to conform,
Depressed and denouncing of the world and all its flaws,
Always emphasizing failures, deaths, and broken laws,
As if to justify the addage, 'bad news travels fast',
My mother never fails to constantly live in the past.
7.29.09
Complain, tire, ache, grieve is all my mother may perform,
I would think she'd have another activity, as if to conform,
Depressed and denouncing of the world and all its flaws,
Always emphasizing failures, deaths, and broken laws,
As if to justify the addage, 'bad news travels fast',
My mother never fails to constantly live in the past.
7.29.09
Counter Strike
Recently, I re-listened to the July 10th 2008 episode of GFW Radio, and after upon hearing the crew discuss the novel, Game Boys, Shawn Elliot brought up an interesting point: Many hardcore Counter Strike players are likely to never switch to another game. I'm certainly no expert, but when you think about it, most of the modern shooters we play today seem to be iterations based on the original Counter Strike formula. And the only way for a modern shooter to stand out these days is to spin the Counter Strike formula in a way that seems believably distinct to a largely civilian audience. For example, Call of Duty 4 has been cited in the past by Shawn Elliot to present the same appeal to its players as Counter Strike did to fresh eyes many years ago. When further examined, Call of Duty 4 may even possibly appear as a reskinned version of Counter Strike with new maps, weapons, a regenerative health system, a running mechanic, and the ability to go prone.
But the strange thing is that to an outsider, any given Call of Duty clearly appears as a war simulation -- whereas Counter Strike is set in a world where all of the commonly accepted rules of soldiers are neglected in compromise for a barbaric, gladitorial-like deathmatch to the death. Maps are not laid out to accomodate modern warfighting tactics, and the weapons handle and respond to continuous fire unrealistically with exaggerated recoil, and the lack of the ability to look down the sight of the weapon, which would inevitably add some depth, be it not welcome in the already tremdously deep shooter experience the game already provides.
7.29.09
But the strange thing is that to an outsider, any given Call of Duty clearly appears as a war simulation -- whereas Counter Strike is set in a world where all of the commonly accepted rules of soldiers are neglected in compromise for a barbaric, gladitorial-like deathmatch to the death. Maps are not laid out to accomodate modern warfighting tactics, and the weapons handle and respond to continuous fire unrealistically with exaggerated recoil, and the lack of the ability to look down the sight of the weapon, which would inevitably add some depth, be it not welcome in the already tremdously deep shooter experience the game already provides.
7.29.09
Polish is Annoying.
As I return to the suburbs in a daily fashion,
I am greeted with a shocking, yet greatly savage passion,
What is this dreadful cacophony? Stop, oh dear,
Yelling, with little regularity in her speaking, may one find a cheer,
It's nearly tribal and primative, if you so will,
Relative to our high-class way of speaking, which sounds so chill,
How can humans with great minds a language such as that construct?
It is incoherent and nonsensical to say what doesn't matter but,
She speaks with such rapidity
7.27.09
I am greeted with a shocking, yet greatly savage passion,
What is this dreadful cacophony? Stop, oh dear,
Yelling, with little regularity in her speaking, may one find a cheer,
It's nearly tribal and primative, if you so will,
Relative to our high-class way of speaking, which sounds so chill,
How can humans with great minds a language such as that construct?
It is incoherent and nonsensical to say what doesn't matter but,
She speaks with such rapidity
7.27.09
For balancing's sake!
For balancing's sake, I've witnessed countless nerfing, tweaking, altering, and adjusting of games. This is such a prevalent concept that games have been delayed, have had their reviews based off of them
7.20.09
7.20.09
Loneliness.
I may ignore it, and I may act as if it doesn't exist, but it does
It is a profound feeling of emptiness, and deep desolation,
I may console that emptiness with activities such as writing or reading, but it doesn't go away,
I may have a brief conversation, or a minor rapport with a stranger, but other than that and a very few friend visits throughout the year is all I'll see,
I've permanently gotten myself in a hole where I become conditioned to a lonely lifestyle, and whenever I may try to adapt or to join into a conversation, people ignore me outright, a social stigma, or a pushing away of what's different, what a hole,
All my life, I've been expecting my friends that I rarely visited to be unwilling or strictly considering me coming over to be a waste of time, and to be forming a preference to spend more time alone,
Oh dear, was I wrong,
Social interactions through the Internet are nothing more.
I could live off of the feeling of true social interaction,
It's exhiletating anticipating how people will prceive what you say or do, and when they look at you -- it's a sense that's indescribable --maybe gratifying,
Only a limited amount of growth can be done alone
But alas! A glimmer of hope -- smiling in the mirror, and hoping for good times yet to come makes a brilliant remedy
7.21.09
It is a profound feeling of emptiness, and deep desolation,
I may console that emptiness with activities such as writing or reading, but it doesn't go away,
I may have a brief conversation, or a minor rapport with a stranger, but other than that and a very few friend visits throughout the year is all I'll see,
I've permanently gotten myself in a hole where I become conditioned to a lonely lifestyle, and whenever I may try to adapt or to join into a conversation, people ignore me outright, a social stigma, or a pushing away of what's different, what a hole,
All my life, I've been expecting my friends that I rarely visited to be unwilling or strictly considering me coming over to be a waste of time, and to be forming a preference to spend more time alone,
Oh dear, was I wrong,
Social interactions through the Internet are nothing more.
I could live off of the feeling of true social interaction,
It's exhiletating anticipating how people will prceive what you say or do, and when they look at you -- it's a sense that's indescribable --maybe gratifying,
Only a limited amount of growth can be done alone
But alas! A glimmer of hope -- smiling in the mirror, and hoping for good times yet to come makes a brilliant remedy
7.21.09
Growing Up.
Words take on new meanings,
"To play" is perceived inappropriate,
While not knowing the latest trends is considered taboo,
Espousing conservative beliefs is frowned upon,
7.23.09
"To play" is perceived inappropriate,
While not knowing the latest trends is considered taboo,
Espousing conservative beliefs is frowned upon,
7.23.09
A Year.
It's difficult to fully understand how much I have gone through within the span of a year. Transferring schools has drastically altered my life. Life has been an endless crucible against time, and I have been working more efficiently, as well as have finally broken out of my comfort zone socially. I have endured the many new experiences that have jarred me, have been subservient to teachers who seek a dominant, adamant position in class, and have been exposed to an incredibly egotistical lot, as I have learned to live with people of that level of self-respect, while sustaining my dignity.
7.27.09
7.27.09
Grandfather.
My grandfather, Stanley Lenoch has fled communism, escaped poverty, and has made a name for himself, both literally, and
7.16.09
7.16.09
All Publicity is good publicity
Given the tremendous popularity of Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare, coupled with the fact that it has made countless headlines, and supposedly has brainwashed parents into thinking video games are inherently bad (When the ESRB 'M' for mature rating is prominently posted on the front of the box), Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare becomes a forbidden fruit to numerous youths.
6.8.09
6.8.09
Pain
Pain, it is a virtue,
It is a form of abuse,
It is also a sense that makes our lives concrete,
Pain prevents our lives from becoming fey, meaningless dreams,
It gives us variety; time to relax and make effort,
Pain gives us things to look forward to, and things to detest.
If pain had not existed, we would be careless creatures, with nothing to do, because in every sport there would be no loser, and therefore, not any considerable pain or sense of suffering,
There would be no pride taken in the pity of another, there would be absolutely no joy, and no gratification for perserverence, no accomplishing of anything, no desire to do anything, and no reason to do a thing.
Pain and comfort are both good, and should be proportional
7.16.09
It is a form of abuse,
It is also a sense that makes our lives concrete,
Pain prevents our lives from becoming fey, meaningless dreams,
It gives us variety; time to relax and make effort,
Pain gives us things to look forward to, and things to detest.
If pain had not existed, we would be careless creatures, with nothing to do, because in every sport there would be no loser, and therefore, not any considerable pain or sense of suffering,
There would be no pride taken in the pity of another, there would be absolutely no joy, and no gratification for perserverence, no accomplishing of anything, no desire to do anything, and no reason to do a thing.
Pain and comfort are both good, and should be proportional
7.16.09
An Eye-Opening Experience
After listening to year-old GFW Radio episodes for the past week now, I think I've developed some sort of affinity for Shawn Elliott, and the fashion in which he expresses himself and verbalizes his opinions, which seem to have been ingrained in my mind. I'm getting a sense that I understand him more as a person although I have never personally met him. Strangely enough, I can hear his voice in my conscience and have noticed that my style of writing has been showing similarities to Shawn's style of speaking. I would dare to link this metaphysical connection with someone I have never met before due to the credibility Shawn bears when he changes his tone of voice to a more serious one, and how much more deeply I listen and how I concentrate to truly grasp his message and to learn from such a wise, [seemingly self-taught due to as he describes as an unfavorable youth] and well-read man. I may not try, but I think I look up to Shawn, not as a big brother, but as a role model, as someone to become in my own sort of way. Thanks Shawn for helping me develop a healthy aspiration for such a healthily humorous and humitile person that is well-rounded.
I imagine how little this means to Shawn -- he seems like a naturally talented speaker with a little attention span, which is equally as juxtapositioned as the fact that he reads articles concerning neuropsychological defects, dillusions, and hysterias, yet laughs at nearly anything, and acts like a complete fool on the podcast, which imaginably is not true outside of the podcast recording.
I subconsciously seem to place a sense of belief behind Shawn Elliott's voice in particular at the moment he says something along the lines of "I think ... is coming to a point where ...", "It's interesting to see ...", "To its credit", "To be fair", or retracting his potentially false or otherwise incomprehensible views by timidly saying "I don't know".
I'm aware of how utterly bizarre it is to say this, but I can even imagine the type of voice Shawn would use to mock me.
These days it's becoming clearer and clearer how in need 1up.com is in of truly articulate individuals who are readers first and foremost, not gamers. There's a certain quality that is present on the Listen Up! podcast in terms of intelligent conversation, but it is never particularly as psychological, analytical, or nearly as meaningful as what I hear on the Out of The Game podcast. And that's fine, but I think after listening to GFW Radio for a week straight and nothing else, I think I'm coming to a point where I am beginning to expect more value from a podcast. For example, on GFW Radio, Shawn analyzed not only the quality of the game, but also the decision-making by the developer that influenced the particular game we know today, while also somehow smoothly diverging into psychological conversation.
7.11.09
I imagine how little this means to Shawn -- he seems like a naturally talented speaker with a little attention span, which is equally as juxtapositioned as the fact that he reads articles concerning neuropsychological defects, dillusions, and hysterias, yet laughs at nearly anything, and acts like a complete fool on the podcast, which imaginably is not true outside of the podcast recording.
I subconsciously seem to place a sense of belief behind Shawn Elliott's voice in particular at the moment he says something along the lines of "I think ... is coming to a point where ...", "It's interesting to see ...", "To its credit", "To be fair", or retracting his potentially false or otherwise incomprehensible views by timidly saying "I don't know".
I'm aware of how utterly bizarre it is to say this, but I can even imagine the type of voice Shawn would use to mock me.
These days it's becoming clearer and clearer how in need 1up.com is in of truly articulate individuals who are readers first and foremost, not gamers. There's a certain quality that is present on the Listen Up! podcast in terms of intelligent conversation, but it is never particularly as psychological, analytical, or nearly as meaningful as what I hear on the Out of The Game podcast. And that's fine, but I think after listening to GFW Radio for a week straight and nothing else, I think I'm coming to a point where I am beginning to expect more value from a podcast. For example, on GFW Radio, Shawn analyzed not only the quality of the game, but also the decision-making by the developer that influenced the particular game we know today, while also somehow smoothly diverging into psychological conversation.
7.11.09
Germany
I've been to a few nations in my life,
and none of them nearly as breath-taking. I've seen seemingly billions of video clips, images, and other modern forms of media about and around all things German. But finally, today is the day I was to make that abundantly anticipated impression to the German people at large -- to be collloquial, funny, social, and to be willing to make a fool of myself if that means I would get some speaking experience out of it. The flight prior to this spurt of angst was unbearable to say the least. I was fed twice, and have been in one relative position for the last eight hours. I am willing to bet I could run from Frankfurt to München, our two destinations for this trip. Well I better impress my parents, the Germans around me, and make a fool of myself while astounding them both with my finess and skill that I so greatly utilized in order to earn the knowledge of the German language I know at this very moment. With eight hours of mental preparation, I am confident I will make a stellar, unabashed performance.
6.9.09
and none of them nearly as breath-taking. I've seen seemingly billions of video clips, images, and other modern forms of media about and around all things German. But finally, today is the day I was to make that abundantly anticipated impression to the German people at large -- to be collloquial, funny, social, and to be willing to make a fool of myself if that means I would get some speaking experience out of it. The flight prior to this spurt of angst was unbearable to say the least. I was fed twice, and have been in one relative position for the last eight hours. I am willing to bet I could run from Frankfurt to München, our two destinations for this trip. Well I better impress my parents, the Germans around me, and make a fool of myself while astounding them both with my finess and skill that I so greatly utilized in order to earn the knowledge of the German language I know at this very moment. With eight hours of mental preparation, I am confident I will make a stellar, unabashed performance.
6.9.09
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