Loser Love Diaries 25: Thinking Too Much

Here I am, it's 1 AM and I am sitting in my near-spotless room in Frankfurt, Germany with a feeling that my life is empty. With this girl on the verge of ignoring me [for good], I feel so lonely. My issue is as soon as a girl comes into my life (I mean, she asked ME to coffee, what girl does that?!), I get so attached to her.

It's a real shame, but I figure I have to take a page from the way girls think; that is, to treat potential mates as disposable. That's awful, I don't like it, but unfortunately it appears to me that's the way the world is structured. Perhaps I'm too nice of a person to think that way.

I think the prime issue at hand, more than anything else, is my overuse of commas. All kidding aside, (dammit, another comma!) it's that a number of my friends tell me I'm good-looking (guys and girls) or tell me that "Frauen stehen auf dich!" (which translates roughly to "Women like you!"). This, then, puts a great deal of pressure on me to find a mate as soon as possible.

In addition, my family (sisters, mother, father, cousins) all regularly ask me, "Did you get a girlfriend yet?" over and over. There's an expectation that because girls find me attractive that I should have a girlfriend by now. When I told a friend I never had a girlfriend his eyes grew exponentially and seemed to have gotten angry in disbelief.

However, I find (and I've said this on multiple occasions) is that what you can't understand by just looking at me is my odd personality; which repulses more than it seems like it will ever attract.

At the end of the day it has to simply be that girls my age do not know what they want and that in truth, an older (anywhere from 30 and older, yes I find them attractive, eat your heart out) woman would suit me a lot better. The difficulty however is finding one that would not mind having a younger man. Or even down the road having kids, which would mean we would have to sooner than later thanks to her fleeting fertility.

Oh the things I contemplate. I need to work on my car more and think about girls less.